Lately, the world seems to be crashing down in bits and pieces all around me. I still don't have a job. We owe the IRS money instead of getting a refund. We're still not pregnant. And slowly I just seem to be going into a downward spiral emotionally. :(
It's not that I don't want to be positive that things will work out, because I think deep down I know they will eventually. I just seem to be living too much in the moment, which stinks, so it makes me unmotivated to do anything at all. I don't feel like cleaning, or doing laundry, or taking the dog for a walk. I don't feel like talking, because it would just sound like a big complaint. Yeah I know how it sounds. I already heard that from my DH. He doesn't understand, therefore he thinks it's something I can just snap out of. So I don't talk to him about it. I just pretend I'm fine and he thinks I am and we're both happy. Well, okay, not me.
Even now, I can't even think of words to describe how I feel. It's like I'm of no worth to anyone, not even myself, so why bother. I really hope a decent job comes along real soon so I can feel like I make a difference again. To the kids, to their parents, to my husband, to myself. I just wanna feel like me again.
About Me
- Sarah
- I love my husband, I love my dog, I love my computer. What more could a girl want? Charlie is a mini-schnauzer, DH is the hubs, and everyone else is referred to as an initial.
2 comments:
Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry. I have felt that way myself. Can you find a sympathetic someone to talk to and unload? That might help a little. Also, you can try taking some St. John's wort, which is supposed to help depression. It doesn't fix anything, but when I was in that situation, it seemed to help me be better able to deal with how awful I felt.
Sarah, I know exactly how you feel. I've been going through the same thing ever since I moved. If you ever want to have a bitch-fest let me know. It's really hard feeling like you offer no worth to anyone - and the longer you feel that way the more you feel that way.
Hopefully things will get better soon. I wish I could offer you a solution but I can offer you lots of support! Just try to keep doing the day to day, get out of the house, and see the sun...
Post a Comment