Six Christmases

Yes, SIX. They're over now, and we can relax. Just a quick recap of Christmas...

It started on Thanksgiving. DH's dad and stepmom were leaving for Arizona soon after to spend the winter in their RV (lucky!) so they had a gathering we have come to refer to as ThanksChristmas. All of the stepmom's kids (minus one) made it up, with their families, DH's Grandma and Grandpa, and us. We had a nice big meal, lots of presents, lots of chatting it up with Grandma (good times!). Then we hopped on his dad's Kubota drove around a bit, then stopped to set up a target so I could shoot my gun. Yep, MY gun. My mom has this .22 rifle that has been sitting in her closet forever, so when we helped her clean out the closet there it was, a little dusty, but still in good condition. She offered to let me 'hold on to it' since we have a gun cabinet. But really, now it's MY gun. :) Anyway, turns out I'm a pretty good shot. So that was Christmas #1.

Christmas #2 was with DH's mom, brother and his wife and us. And the dogs. Brother's little chihuahua tried to hump my dog all night...and they're both male dogs. So yeah, Tippy's a gay chihuahua. Anyway, more good food, good booze, good presents (my Mother-in-law is an awesome gift-giver!). Then Brother-in-law and wife came to our house and crashed for the night. My husband and his brother were up til 230 in the morning just talking and laughing! We had a great time.

Christmas #3 was the next day at DH's Grandma's house, with all his aunts, uncles and cousins and their kids even. Once again, LOTS of food, lots of presents (it's fun to watch little kids open gifts), and lots of chit-chatting.

Christmas #4 was Christmas Eve at my mom's for her side of the family. All my aunts, uncles and cousins (and most of their kids). More food, even more presents (my mom has 7 siblings), and lots of attention on my cousin's new baby, born in September. Absolutely gorgeous! Can't wait till it's my baby they're all gushing over. :)

Christmas #5 was Christmas Day. Me and DH opened our presents to each other, and i must say he did well! We were both very pleased with our gifts. Later in the morning we headed back to mom's for brunch, then LOADS of presents! Watching my nephew open his presents this year was so fun for all of us. His expressions are priceless. :) My mom too is a good gift-giver and got me a new printer and a device that lets me plug in my MP3 player to my radio and listen to it in the truck. So cool. That was one looooong day.

Last, but certainly not least, was Christmas #6. For the last 2 years we have celebrated with my dad's side at Grandma's little apartment. Well, in her building anyway. There is a big common dining area and lounge area where we had our dinner, then opened presents. Grandma was in high spirits and very talkative! Once my cousin B warmed up we chatted just like old times. And it was really wonderful to see her brother, my cousin M who I had not seen since August of last year, right before he went to Iraq. He was only there til April, but I'm sure he saw more than he cared to. It just wasn't Christmas last year without him. It's good to have him home. :)

So that was our 6 Christmases. This was the 5th Christmas DH and I have shared together and probably one of the best. :) God Bless!

Mother Nature and her dirty tricks

Last Saturday, saturday after Thanksgiving, I thought it was a little strange that I felt perfectly comfortable staying home and didn't even have an urge to call up some friends last minute to see if they wanted to go out. Oh well, I was probably just tired from going up north on Thanksgiving day, or getting up early on Black Friday to shop til I dropped. And oh yes, I did shop til I dropped! So maybe it was jetlag, for lack of a better term.

Sunday I got up and noticed I felt a little sluggish, even though I had made up for the lack of sleep on Thanksgiving and the night before. By the time the football game came on my throat had started to hurt a little. Probably just the change in the weather, Saturday was the first snow of the season. No, not so much. Monday I awoke with my throat on fire and my glands swollen. Nice. So I go to work. And I'm trying to just get through the day, but it didn't happen. About 1130 I ask my boss if I can leave at noon cause I was just feeling like poo. She said sure just get some rest and feel better. Thought all I needed was some nyquil and a nap and I'd be good as new.

No not so much. I called in the next day cause somehow the nyquil had the reverse effect on me and I did not sleep a wink and my throat just felt worse and I almost felt like I couldn't even swallow. Sigh. I went back to sleep, got up around 11, then literally just laid around all day long, feeling like poo. And in the process I lost my voice. That's finally when I figured out what was wrong...I had laryngitis. Achy throat, no voice, feeling lethargic, yep laryngitis. Nice. Got up went back to work the next day (yesterday) feelin just ok, but not good. Fortunately by the end of the day I did feel a lot better, but still no voice.

And then trying to fall asleep last night I suddenly could not breathe out of my nose. What?? It's not bad enough I get slammed with laryngitis, but now I can't breathe? No it only got worse. Today it looked like I was crying all day because my eyes were just pouring out tears, my nose was extremely runny and I'm sure I looked like death made over. lol What a day. Thank GOD tomorrow is Friday.

I shouldn't really complain too much about this because actually I have a pretty healthy immune system. I only get that sick about once a year, twice at the most. That's what being around snotty kids in daycare does to ya. Builds up your immune system. :) I knew I missed those little rugrats for a reason. ;)

By the way, I did have a very nice Thanksgiving holiday weekend. Got to shoot my gun up at my father-in-law's farm. Did some killer Black Friday shopping with my mom and my little cousin K. Good times. :)

Five Things I Don't Like

1) People who lie, manipulate and act childish to get what they want

2) Bad drivers

3) The 10 o'clock news-it's depressing

4) Things that smell bad

5) My job

It's making my eye twitch

The stress. Therefore I shall eliminate stress little pieces at a time. Starting with politics. What's done is done, and that's all there is to say.

So instead I thought I'd put up some fun pictures of me and my friends. :)

These are my good buddies JR and TS. We go way back to the days of K-care and karaoke. If it weren't for these two I might never have met my husband. :)


This is me and TW. She is a fun, true individual who is a total blast to hang out with. And very good at drinking games, I might add.



And this is B and MW. MW is a master picture taker (she takes a lot of herself, haha!) and a cool laidback girl to hang with. B is still a boy (okay he's 22), but has proved himself worthy to hang with the girls. LOL! I kid I kid...B is pretty fun and he sings karaoke with me, JR and TS!

Those are just a few of my buddies and me. They're all good friends of mine and I am thankful for them every day. Check ya later!!

Okay, enough.

Seriously. This is why I don't talk politics. Because I cannot honestly tell you I am informed enough to carry an intelligent conversation about the subject. And neither is anyone else.

Like for instance...DH thinks because Obama is president and a democrat and all democrats want to take away guns that Obama will take them away. Not true. In the least. Do you know how hard it would be to pass such a bill, to overturn one of our Bill of Rights, to bear arms?? Nearly impossible. Another thing, I don't believe we will actually see drastic changes in our country like everyone is fearing. I do believe that deep down Obama is just a man who wants to help the country. And keep in mind too that Obama is a God-fearing man.

I'm just tired of people thinking it's the end of everything in life as we know it. IT'S NOT. It may be a new beginning. Just how you look at it. I realize it's the unknown, but we can't be afraid of it. We must look forward to it and all its possibilities.

Halloween, baby!

I know, I know, it's not Halloween just yet. But I have already been dressed up and to a Halloween party this year. And we dressed up the dog, too. :) Here's a few pics...

I was a flapper for Halloween. I had all the accessories too. I had the fringe dress, fishnet hose, antique looking heels, long gloves, cigarette holder, headband, pearls and boa. Totally cute. I had chopped my hair off the week before and curled it up big and sprayed the heck out of it so it would stay. That was real fun washing out the next day. Ick. Anyway, my friend J and I headed over to T's house and did jello shots and sang karaoke and played drinking games. Good times.

Just last night I dressed up my dog Charlie and headed over to the park where they were having a Friday Fright Night, where they set up tables for kids to trick or treat at, had ghost stories in the shelter house and magic tricks up on stage. When I got there they were doing the Thriller dance. Awesome. We walked around with my nephew, dressed as Dash from the Incredibles, and had a good time soaking up all the attention Charlie got and at the end he even trick or treated himself. A nice lady dressed as a dalmatian gave Charlie some dog treats. :)


DH's birthday is on Halloween so we will be handing out candy to trick-or-treaters then doing something fun to celebrate. I'm sure that part will change once we have rugrats. :)

Facing my own Mortality

For the last year and a half I've belonged to a message board that was created for brides planning their weddings. Through different topics and messages and get-togethers we have all gotten to know one another, if only on a cyber level of anonymity even. But somehow, these are a bunch of women that we all feel we can trust and talk to about anything.

A lot of us have gotten married, had babies, broken up with fiancees, lost loved ones, had miscarriages...just about every tragedy that you could think of. Until today.

One of our girls, who I have had the pleasure of meeting in real life, has become a widow at the tender age of 24. We don't know why yet, but hopefully the family will get answers soon. I cannot even comprehend the feelings she must be feeling right now. The thought of losing my husband, who I've only been married to a year, has never entered my mind. Until today.

She's a pretty cool girl, fun to hang out with, fun to chat with online. Very knowledgable about her intended profession--dentistry. How could this happen to such a good person??? She is much too young to know the pain of losing a spouse. Too young.

After reading the post that announced what had happened, I lost it. I just started bawling, tears down the cheeks, sobbing uncontrollably. I'm crying now while typing this post because it just saddens me to the core. I hope, if she reads this, she knows that we will all be here to support her and be a shoulder to cry on and an outlet so she can let out any anger or frustration or whatever it may be that she may be feeling. So to you OJ.....******HUGS****** I'm there for you.

This whole thing only makes me realize that you just never know when something like that could happen to you. I don't know what I'd do without my DH. Even worse, I don't know what he would do without me. We are each other's best friend. I couldn't stand the thought of losing my best friend. My husband.

So just tell the ones you love that you love them. All the time, because they may not be around tomorrow.

The first year

I have officially been married for a whole year. Where did that time go? My husband and I have been through so much this last year it just flew by. They say the first year is the hardest and I never used to believe that. I mean, come on, everyone knows what newlyweds do...alllll the time, right? Huh. Not so much. In fact, I now know firsthand that the first year is very hard.

Just a little trip down memory lane here....a few months after being married I decided to quit my job. Then had a job, then lost it, then meandered around the city doing babysitting jobs for the next 3 and 1/2 months, somewhere in that time we had a big blowout fight that led my DH to actually saying "so is that it then?". Yes he actually thought we might get divorced because of one big fight. Thankfully we got past it and are closer because of it. So anyway, then I got my current job, and though it's not what I really want to be doing, it's paying the bills for now. DH knows that I don't like it and is very supportive of me doing what I like, as long as it pays the bills. LOL He grew up with 2 working parents and firmly believes I should work, whereas I grew up with a stay-at-home mom for whom I will be forever grateful got to stay home. This is one issue that we greatly disagree on, and that is why I am compromising. I'm trying to get through online schooling to be a medical transcriptionist, which is a job I can do from home, so when we do have kids I am able to be a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. At the same time. Let's hope.

Anyway, we also got to go on our first vacation in 2 years, which was very good for us and our marriage. It was like we realized all over again that we were each other's best friend. :) We also still have our wonderful dog Charlie who lights up when we get home from work. He literally is the coolest dog ever. And this year DH has really started taking to our nephew more. He's at a really fun age where you can understand most of what he says, take him on long walks where he wants to walk (or in his case, run) with you, play baseball with him. He's a 3 year old to beat all 3 year olds....of course, I'm partial to him. :)

This year has also made me realize who my real friends are. A lot of the friends I have are ones I made while working at my previous job, and most of them are still there. I was a little worried how things would change with them when I quit that job. But, I'm happy to know that that did not affect our friendship. Just so you know, TW, MW, TS, and mostly JR, I'm glad we're friends. :) Through and through.

By the way, gotta give a shout out to JR, because she is an awesome friend and I'm very happy that she has found the man she's meant to be with. That's one of those things that, when you realize it, it takes you to a place of bliss, and peacefulness that you thought didn't exist before. When everyone says "you just know" when it's the right person, you finally get what they mean. It all sinks in. So happy for you girl!!

So another subject I haven't mentioned in a few posts....I am on CD 11 (for those that don't know, it means Cycle Day 11). The last cycle was 30 days exactly, 8 days shorter than the previous month. I think they're actually becoming somewhat regular. Good thing, cause it's pretty much been hit and miss, if you get what I mean. LOL Maybe now we can actually shoot for the right days. Okay I'll stop! LOL Couldn't help it.

Alright alright....so I'm still considered a newlywed. But that's okay. I'm sure in 5 years I can look back and say I'm still married to my best friend. Well, pretty sure anyway. ;)

Our Honeymoon, for Our First Anniversary

I figured I should get this all down while it was still semi-fresh in my memory. We did SO much in 2 and 1/2 days that it seemed like 4 or 5 days. Sooooo.....

For our First Anniversary we decided to take a little weekend trip to Branson, MO. Like a little Vegas, without the gambling, but with the shows and buffets and lights and old people. But I love it! And now DH does too! He had never been so we started on our merry way early Friday morning.

We made it to Branson in record time, got all our reservations and tickets from the ticket broker (they're all over that town), and proceeded to find our hotel. Checked in, unpacked, turned on the TV to see how good the cable was (it sucked), then decided on our first outing - the Ripley's Believe it Or Not Museum. We got there at the perfect time, meaning hardly anyone else was there so we had time to look at everything at our own pace. While we were there we even got into a photo booth and had the 'artist' draw our goofy faces in 'pencil'. Cheap souvenir. :)
After Ripley's, we headed over to a restaurant by our hotel called The Plantation. Had us a nice lunch buffet (missing the crowds again), stuffed ourselves silly then decided to lay down for a bit and nurse our bloated stomachs.
Once refreshed we set off to Silver Dollar City, for day 1 of our 2 days passes. There we rode 4 killer roller coasters, smelled lots of yummy food, watched knives and buckets and baskets being made, then headed back to the hotel to get ready for our show that evening.
I had actually planned the shows for the evenings on purpose so we would have all day to do whatever else we wanted to, and it worked out fabulously. Friday night we saw Shoji Tabuchi, a violinist who puts on an awesome show. And while I think we might have been the youngest couple in the whole audience we both enjoyed ourselves immensely. Me being a violinist myself I have a great appreciation for anyone who can do it well. And he does! He can play just about any type of music you lay in front of him and when he's not playing he's crackin jokes and even poking fun at himself. HIGHLY recommend this show for anyone visiting Branson.
Whew! So that was Friday. :)

Saturday we got up, hit a breakfast buffet at a little local place called Penelope's, then popped across the street to the Hollywood Wax Museum. So cool, kinda eerie. Well, it's just that some of them look so real that you almost think they're staring at you. They even had a little hallway of movie monsters (Frankenstein, Dracula, Freddy Krueger, Jason from Friday the 13th, Michael Meyers from Halloween) and with spooky music and nobody else around I have to admit I was a little freaked out. Thankfully I had my big strong protector with me. :) I always feel safe with my DH.
After the Wax Museum we went back for day 2 at Silver Dollar City. We really got lucky and missed the crowds again! No standing in long lines for roller coasters. Yay! Even did one water ride which might have been a mistake considering it's October and the water was freezing! Still had fun, nonetheless. :)
So because of the lovely little water ride we had to go back to the hotel to change clothes before heading off to another activity, which was go-karts. :) DH had never driven anything but a homemade go-kart before so it was really fun for him to do something new. And really fun for me to see how happy it made him. We were the only people on the track and we had a blast! We also did a different track later on, a 3-story wooden go-kart track. He liked that one better while I found it to be very bumpy and hard on the neck. Eh, to each his own, right. We also hit up some arcade games which was super fun, felt like we were 8 years old again. Except they didn't have arcades that cool when WE were 8! After that we went over to Dinosaur Canyon mini golf and played 18 holes of putt putt. Another first for DH.
So after all the fun and games, literally, we headed back to the hotel to shower and dress up for our second show...the Dixie Stampede.
For years I'd been hearing how great of a show this was because not only is there a show but you get dinner too. So for years I've been wanting to go. And can I just say....WOW. Such an awesome experience! We got our picture taken, a yummy slushy drink in a commemorative boot cup, a meal that makes my mouth water just thinking about it, and a fun show! The menu is the same for everyone, and everything is made to eat with your hands. They don't even have utensils for you to eat with. But it's a show with horses and pigs and ostriches and longhorns and chickens...so much to see and watch and enjoy. That is one show that is definitely worth every penny because there is so much that adds to the experience. So another HIGHLY recommended show for Branson visitors. :)
And that was Saturday. :)

Sunday we got up, hit up the breakfast buffet at Starvin Marvin's (yummy!), packed everything up, checked out of the hotel. We put gas in the truck, got a couple of fountain drinks and were on our way. First we stopped down at the Table Rock Lake Dam to throw a line out just to say we fished it. DH caught a bass while we were there, I came up empty. Then we headed over and took some pictures of the lake and the dam and the hatchery. And such a beautiful day too!

After all the excitement of the weekend we decided to make our way home. We got home, unloaded the truck and I went over to my parent's and picked up the dog, as he had been staying with them over the weekend. He was sooooo excited to see me, such a wonderful thing to come home to!! I love my puppy dog! When we got home he was just as excited to see DH and we all had a lovely little reunion. :)

Tomorrow (the 6th) is our actual anniversary and we both have the day off work so we are going to have another round of putt putt followed by a nice dinner out. This weekend has made me realize that I truly did marry my best friend, cause we enjoyed every minute of our little vacation together. And we're already planning our next trip to Branson. ;)

*sigh*

You can tell it's fall around here....football is on every Sunday, the leaves have just barely started to turn, and my DVR is getting full with new episodes of my favorite shows. Ah yes, I love my shows. Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Private Practice, Pushing Daisies, Dancing with the Stars, and Army Wives. This is my favorite time of year, by far.

I love when it gets to be jacket weather, when everything is in shades of red, orange and yellow, when it's time to buy pumpkins and costumes, and have family gatherings for holidays. There's no comparison, it's the best time of year! DH and I are planning on carving pumpkins this year, we're finally going on a little honeymoon. Just a quick weekend trip down to Branson. I'm going to a costume party, woohoo! Any suggestions for a unique costume??

Speaking of DH...we had a nice chat today. About babies. Even discussed names a little more. I think we're finally on the same page. :)

And I've done something this week about my job situation that will hopefully land me in a different place before the end of the year. I feel like my job sucks the intelligence right out of my brain and bores me to tears. So here I am, no brain and buckets of tears and I just have to get out. I'm not white-collar. My collar is blue, and proud of it.

So anyway, that's the update. Hope to post more thoughts soon.

What needs to change

The snoring.

I cannot take it anymore. I am forcing DH to get something done about this or it is separate bedrooms for us. Not exactly how I pictured the end to our first year of marriage, not sleeping together.

See I knew he snored when I married him, but I thought I could fix it. So we tried the strips that go across the nose...nope didn't work. We tried the spray in the back of the throat, didn't work. We even tried this mouthpiece we found on the internet that dentists used to prescribe for people who grind their teeth in their sleep. DIDN'T WORK. Ahhhhhhhh!!! I am at my wit's end! The only thing left (outside of surgery) is a CPAP machine. And in order to get one of those he has to do a sleep study and be diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea, of which I am 99.9% sure he has. But getting him to the doctor in the first place is the problem.

Besides slicing his fingers on knives while at work (he's a butcher), I don't believe he has EVER been to a doctor since we've been together. And that's 4 and 1/2 years now. His own father is now using a CPAP and still he doesn't think he himself snores that bad. Ummm hello? Why do you think I sleep on the couch most every night lately? The only way I can sleep next to him is with the help of Lunesta, my little blue sleeping pill helper. I have tried many sleep aids, over the counter and prescription, over the years (like ten years) and Lunesta seems to be the only one that 1) works wells to put me to sleep and keep me asleep and 2) does not leave me feeling groggy or hungover the next day. But I can't keep relying on a sleeping pill. I have the ability to fall asleep on my own, which has greatly improved since I have an early shift at work. I just can't fall asleep next to him.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my stubborn I-don't-need-a-doctor husband to do a sleep study PLEASE let me know. I don't really want to give him an ultimatum, but if he continues to do nothing then that is what it will come to. :(

Just a small one

For probably a good 20 years now I've been getting bad headaches. No, they are not always migraines. Migraines are a different kind of headache....yes I do have them, just not all the time like these other ones. With migraines, I get an acute sensitivity to light and sound, extreme pressure to the point it makes my eyes water, I get nauseous and really the only way I can get rid of it is to load myself up with drugs and go to bed. No other way. But these other headaches can sometimes last 3 or 4 days on end. Yeah, it's bad. Sometimes I can get relief with headache pills (basically the wally world version of excedrin migraine), but I'd say most of the time it just keeps coming back over the course of a week or so.

I haven't had one in well over a month and came down with one today. :( I am miserable. I did take some pills and the edge has worn off, but it hasn't gone away. I am a little nauseous, but that could also be cause I haven't eaten since 1230, and it's now 710pm. Hm, better eat somethin. By the way, it's always a good idea to have something on your stomach if you take something for a headache because those pills (which have acetaminophen and caffeine in them) tend to make you queasy if you don't. Anyway, I just wanna go to bed and there's still some things I have to do. Gotta make my lunch for tomorrow, gotta take a shower which might help cause the steam tends to help with the pressure.

And before you ask, yes I've been to the doctor about this many many times. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with something called polystotic fibrous dysplasia, which is basically the overgrowth of bone. In my case, the left side of my skull grows thicker than it should. I had my first surgery for it the summer before high school. Yeah, lots of fun. I had my second surgery for it ten years later, where they cut me open across my head from ear to ear to remove a cyst from my left temple. And now it's growing back and very possible that I will have to have surgery again within the next couple of years. But the headaches won't ever go away. Hm. Go figure.

So anyway....sorry about the whining. Just had to get it out of my system. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up without a headache and be good as new. :)

The dreaded birthday

It actually turned out to be a lot of fun. :) Let me tell you how it started...

Wednesday I got off work at 11am, went to get my truck inspected (had to go to 3 different places!), had lunch with mom, sister and nephew, renewed my tags, went for a swim. Came home, got all packed and had dinner with DH. Next morning got up (too early), waited for my ride, then hit the road for Nebraska for a cousin's wedding. My nephew was the most well behaved almost 3 year old car rider I've ever met! I was just amazed at how well he did for a 4 hour road trip. We got to the motel in Nebraska, went for a dip in their indoor pool, had KFC in our room (not a good idea, by the way) then got ready for the wedding. Very picturesque setting for a wedding in a park, with a nice lake, the 'altar' was surrounded by these huge evergreens. And it was located next to a big corn field (go figure). It was a very nice wedding, one where the whole family was involved. The mother-of-the-bride (who is actually my 1st cousin, guess that makes the bride my 2nd cousin? whatever, we're all cousins) played violin while her sons played drums, bass and guitar. Father of the bride walked her down the aisle, til they got to a certain point and she ran down the aisle to her groom. It was really sweet. :) There were vows and rings and blessings and the kiss, of course. Then they took pictures, while we admired the bride's dress and her lack of shoes (very fitting in her case). We had cake and ice cream and fruit and lemonade. We talked with family and told them how beautiful everything was. When it got dark we went back to the motel where we played gin and talked til we couldn't keep our eyes open.
Friday we got up, had breakfast at the motel, then packed up and headed for the zoo in Omaha. When we got there we had a picnic lunch under a tree then got to walking. We walked around that zoo for 5 hours! It is a truly remarkable zoo and I'm not sure we even saw everything, but it was well worth it. At the end of the day I was extremely overheated and nauseous and ready to come home, but I did come away with a stuffed elephant (it's a theme from zoos I've visited) and a shot glass for DH. The rest of the family wanted to get some dinner before we headed out so we stopped at an Applebee's in Iowa. All I could do was sip ice water and watch because I couldn't stomach food at that moment. Ick. I got home around 9:15pm and was dead asleep within 45 minutes. Sooooooo tired. But a good kind of tired. :)

Saturday, I gathered up a few good friends and headed down to a local karaoke bar.
Had some drinks, sang some songs, took some goofy pictures. Good times.

Sunday was my mom's birthday so we all went out to dinner. Good food, nephew who was being hilariously cute, no room for dessert. :)

Monday we went bowling. I know, sounds cheesy, turns out it's a lot of fun! We bowled 2 games, came home and chilled for a bit, then went over to mom's for more birthday fun. MY birthday. All of the extended family came out and celebrated. We had burgers and hot dogs and chicken on the grill. Ice cream cake for dessert...YUM!

Tuesday was my actual birthday. DH and I went out for dinner, just the 2 of us. Then we went over to Cabela's and walked around awhile, admired the HUGE catfish in their walk-thru aquarium, and oddly enough came outta there empty-handed. Next we went over to Nebraska Furniture Mart where I bought a new mp3 player with birthday money. So cool!

So that's my weekend. Sorry it took so long to write it down. ;)

I've been tagged!

My first meme.... :)

A. Attached or single? Attached

B. Best friend? Jason

C. Cake or pie? Hmm...how bout ice cream cake :)

D. Day of choice? I like Fridays! TGIF!

E. Essential item? Gotta have my shoes...and my Burt's Bees

F. Favorite color? blue

G. Gummy bears or worms? I'm gonna go with worms

H. Hometown? Uh....the Happy Rock...for those of you who know me you know what this means ;)

I. Indulgence? Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

J. January or July? July, I love to swim :)

K. Kids? Workin on it

L. Life isn’t complete without? Someone to come home to

M. Marriage date? October 6, 2007

N. Number of brothers & sisters? just the 1 sister

O. Oranges or apples? Hmm I like both

P. Phobias? I have a fear of drowning and falling from high places

Q. Quotes? "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." ~Theodore Roosevelt

R. Reasons to smile? My dog, or my nephew :)

S. Season of choice? Spring

T. Tag seven peeps! Uh well...

U. Unknown fact about me? I don't like it when people use bad grammar and bad spelling.

V. Vegetable? corn

W. Worst habits? hm well I'm a bad procrastinator

X. X-ray or ultrasound? I've had both

Y. Your favorite food? too many to list...spaghetti, fried chicken, cheesecake, mac n cheese...the list goes on...and now I'm hungry

Z. Zodiac sign? Virgo

Something for my Health

Earlier this week I did something that I've been meaning to do for the past 3 months....I got a gym membership. I am now a card-carrying member of our local community center that has only been open for 7 or 8 months. Brand new! I've never been excited to work out, but I'm excited about this. The first time I went in and toured the place it just felt comfortable. I mean, there's a bunch of overweight suburbanites just like me, whew! No size 0 skinny girls on the treadmills, no bulging bicep mr universe type guys lifting weights. Just regular people. It was nice.

So I've gone the last 3 days and am very proud of myself thus far. My aim was to get in the pool and swim some laps. Okay...so when I'm on the tour of the facility the guy tells me that without the local school district (the one I went through all my life) there would be no pool. Therefore, they have priority in the competitive pool and the lap lanes. Their high school swim teams practice from 3p-8p every day Monday thru Friday. The next day I went back to start swimming and had to face my fears. I had to 1) wear a bathing suit without a cover-up (per community center policy), 2) walk through the natatorium (where the pools are) past a bunch of pimply teenage boys in their speedos (ugh), and 3) take off my towel and get in the pool in front of those teenagers. Yeah, when it comes to body image and self esteem....I am very insecure. I can't even remember the last time I went swimming without a cover-up over my suit. So for me to overcome insecurities so I can get a nice workout in the pool is a HUGE thing for me...so yay me!!

Now I'm trying to decide when the best days to go would be. The swim meets are held on Wednesdays I found out, so that day is no good. I mean, pimply teenagers AND their parents and friends watching? No, not yet. Anyway, I feel like I really need to go at least 3 days a week, maybe more if I don't get too busy. So if you feel like it, please pray that I'll keep this up and it will help me get into shape and get healthy and shed a few pounds along the way.

In other news, I have somewhat of a milestone birthday coming up. Still unsure how I feel about it. What I do know is that I had a hell of a lot of fun this last decade. Learned more about myself in the last 5 years than ever before, made a few good friends, found the one I'm spending the rest of my life with, became an aunt, watched a lot of my friends get married and have babies. My only hope for the next decade is that I can start teaching the next generation how to live life and be a good person and eat their vegetables. :) Yep, things change, people grow up, and new life sprouts. It's the circle of life. :)

And if you know anything about Tim McGraw's music, you know he has a song about 'my next thirty years' which first tells you how old I'll be, but also tells you what direction I want my life to go. ;)

What's Goin On

So I decided to change things up a bit and get a new background (duh)! I think it portrays more of who I am than the standard greens and blues I had before. :)

What else....Oh...yeah....so follow me on this one--my mom's best friend's son's girlfriend (in short, a friend's girlfriend) told the best friend that she just 'knows' that I'm pregnant. Interesting. I don't know that it could really be possible at this point, like today, but still interesting. It kinda makes me feel good to know that people are thinking about me, even though I hate being center of attention. Like, my wedding day was the only day I was really looking forward to everyone looking at ME. But after that I'm back to wanting to be in the background. Although my birthday is coming up soon and it's a big one so...

Anyway, speaking of birthdays, my uncle turned 40 last week so tonight his wife is throwing him a little party down at the place where she works and we've been singing karaoke for the past few months. That, to me, equals FUN! Oh I'm dead serious. Anytime there's a gathering of family, a chance to sing karaoke, and to poke fun of someone for being over the hill makes for a great time. :) We've had many a fun birthday in my family celebrating people becoming over-the-hill. Wonder if that'll happen to me...

Umm what else. Oh they changed the dress code at my job so we can wear jeans every day now. That's always good. Heh.

I finally got off my butt and finished another test in my computer literacy course of my online schooling. Got a 93. :)

Also finally ordered a mouthpiece for DH so maybe, just maybe he can stop snoring. Here's hoping!!

Well gotta run...time to go buy said uncle some embarrassing gag gifts for turning 40. :) Ah but I love him, it's all good. ;)

Things I've Come to Realize About Myself

....I'm not a white-collar worker. I belong with the blue-collars, the ones in the filing room with whom I got to spend my afternoon. I was much more comfortable.

....I'm a really bad procrastinator. Like, really bad.

....I'd do most anything to help out family and be there for them, but am very obstinate about helping myself. I need to help myself more.

....One of the reasons I can't seem to lose weight very well (besides the obvious-not exercising enough) is because I don't sleep very well. At least, I haven't in the last 4 years...

....Some days I like to snuggle with my dog more than my DH, because the dog likes me all the time and never gets mad at me. And always greets me very excitedly when I come home from anywhere, even if I've just been gone for 10 minutes.

....When I'm not around them all day at work, I get kinda lax at keeping up with my friendships. And I'm very sorry about that. :(

....I want to have a baby, like yesterday, and am conflicted about when it should happen. One one hand, I need to lose some weight and let my cycles regulate on their own. On the other hand, it crushes me that I'm almost 30 and I don't have children. It's my life's calling to be a mother.

Mother Nature's back

After 40 days of waiting. Yes, 40. And again it only lasted 2 days. If I'd known it would be like this I would have gone off the pill a long time ago! After spending every period for the first 5 years of my 'womanhood' doubled over in pain, throwing up and lasting 7 days this is like a vacation! Even when I was on the pill it would last 4 days. Geez, I wasted a lot of time on birth control.

I hope this doesn't mean they'll just farther apart and then gone. I'd like to think that my body is capable of ovulating and all that. I mean it is only my life's ambition to be a mother. For as long as I can remember it's the thing I've wanted to be most.

Anyway, I just keep praying and try not to let it stress me out too much. Although when I was at the grocery store the other day I checked my blood pressure in one of those sit-down-put-your-arm-in-a-cuff things. The top number was a little high, but the bottom one was below normal. Totally weird. I'm guessing it was stress. Stress can do strange things to your body.

In other news, I attended a baby shower last Friday for a friend whom I've known since we were in elementary school. So cute to see her and her little pregnant belly. Of course I won't look like that whenever I get pregnant...no I'll be one of those girls who just blows up like a balloon. Yep I can see it now. I can only hope that, like a balloon, I would deflate easily after the baby is born. :) Haha!

There are just so many signs of new life around me lately that it's just amazing to me. In a few weeks I'm going to a cousin's wedding in Nebraska. A cousin who I can remember as a toddler, standing in our living room at Christmas, hugging a big teddy bear about as big as she was. Getting married. Like my little cousin I last blogged about having a baby...this friend of mine having a baby, another friend had hers in May. Another girl I went to high school with getting married. And me celebrating a somewhat-of-a-milestone birthday in about a month. Wow...we're all so grown up. Where did the time go?

Time to head to bed now. Dream of Mother Nature coming back next month. Or not....

I'm a SuperHero

I just wanna say...this would be totally sweet!

Your Superpower Should Be Invisibility

You are stealth, complex, and creative. You never face problems head on. Instead, you rely on your craftiness to get your way. A mystery to others, you thrive on being a little misunderstood. You happily work behind the scenes... because there's nothing better than a sneak attack! Why you would be a good superhero: You're so sly, no one would notice... not even your best friends Your biggest problem as a superhero: Missing out on all of the glory that visible superheroes get

What Should Your Superpower Be?

Babies....

Yes, it is safe to say that babies are on the brain. Which is kinda weird, considering they were never much on my brain when I was taking care of them every day. Hm. Anyway, I went to my little cousin's baby shower yesterday and got to see how cute she is pregnant, and all the cool things she got for her little girl, and to hear her tell me how excited she is for me to be pregnant. What? In a complete shower of attention, she is thinking about me? I was truly flattered. :) All I wanted to tell her was how excited I was for her and I came away thinking how grown up she is all the sudden. Kinda makes me teary-eyed to think how the little cousins are all growing up.

I say little cousins because there was a time when me, my sister and our cousin M(boy) were the only ones our age for awhile. There were the oldest cousins...D, M(girl), and B. Then there was me, my sister and M(boy). And then when I was 12 it seems like my mom's younger siblings started exploding with kids. The youngest tier of cousins (the little cousins) consists of AK, KK, NR, AR, JK, CK(boy), BK, ARK, and CK(girl). We won't even get into the next generation, that is growing by the minute it seems like. Back to the point....I was a tweener when they all came along so I started babysitting them. Probably where my love of kids started.

And now the oldest little cousin is having one before I am. In a selfish way, yes I am a little sad that a cousin who is several years younger than me is starting her family before I get to start mine, but I'm also very happy for her. I think she'll be a wonderful mom. :)

I can't wait to meet you baby girl PM. :)

My karaoke side

As some of you may know, I love to sing karaoke. I was introduced to it about 4 years ago and in fact, it is how I met my husband. For some reason, around family and close friends who don't really know I can sing I get a little shy about it. But a good friend of mine, JR, showed me the awesomeness that is Myspace Karaoke. And I love it! I can sing karaoke in my own home, with no one around, as loud as I want. So I've recorded a few songs from their list and saved them in my library, afraid to let others hear me. Tonight I have decided to let the world listen. I can't figure out how to put the player on here, but here is a link to my Myspace karaoke page....


ksolo.myspace.com/actions/myWebpage.do


Hopefully this works. If you'd like, please visit my page and tell me if I'm any good, or not. Whatever. I sing because it makes me happy and it's a good way to release emotion and stress. I don't really care if I'm good enough to be the next American Idol (which I'm not, by any means), I just like singing for fun. So, please be kind. :)

Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?

I think so Brain. But if we gave peas a chance, won't the lima beans feel left out?

Anyone who knows about good cartoons, knows that is from Pinky and the Brain. One of my favorites. :) It just makes me laugh. I love to watch anything that will make me laugh.

Some days laughter seems very rare. Those, to me, are the worst days. I mean, how boring and listless would the day be if we didn't laugh? Or even smile, for that matter. I think it's important to find something in every day that makes you smile.

Today, playing with Charlie made me smile. Spending the afternoon talking with DH about nothing made me smile. And listening to him trying to cajole me into bed with him made me laugh. LOL I just can't help but love him. More every day. :)

Sometimes the seriousness of life hits me pretty hard, like a smack in the face. For instance, paying bills is a big smack. I wrote out a few thousand dollars worth of bills in the last few days, ick. But, we still came out in the black, so I must be doing something right. It's because of all this serious stuff in life that makes me realize how much I love to laugh. And very honestly, I would not be alive if I couldn't laugh at something. It's like stress relief...laughter and music. When nothing else works I either turn up the tunes or turn on Comedy Central. Works every time.

The moral of the story is this....

Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?
I think so Brain...but if they called them sad meals the kids wouldn't buy them would they?

Well she came and went in 2 days

That's Mother Nature for ya!

Two freaking days. Umm...that's the shortest one I've EVER had. Even on the pill. Weird.

So now I can really start charting to see if my cycles are regular (that one was 32 days). Come to find out 32 days is actually somewhat normal. Who knew? Not me, not after being on a 28 day cycle for the last 14 years. LOL So much to learn about this whole baby-making business, so little time.

Some things I think I can expect when a baby does come along someday...

...Charlie (the dog) will probably respond much better to a baby than to a puppy. He likes people, dogs not so much.

...DH will spoil a baby rotten! Lately he's been spoiling my nephew by buying him little toys here and there when he sees them at work. Yeah..I think his mom and dad are getting a little overwhelmed with monster trucks...LOL

...I HOPE to expect that Nana and Papa will love and spoil my kid as much as the first grandbaby. :)

...I KNOW to expect that Grandma A and Grandpa A will spoil my kid as it will be their only blood grandchild.

...My kid's Auntie K and Uncle B will be very excited for their kid to have a playmate. :)

I can't even begin to express how much I so want to be a mother. It's been the only constant thing I've ever wanted to be since I was a little kid. I never wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher....I wanted to be a wife and a mother. Got the wife part down. Now it's time to fulfill the second part of that dream.

Mother Nature? What??

I'm a little peeved with Mother Nature at the moment. Certain things that happen to a woman every 28 days or so haven't happened and I'm getting annoyed. Don't read too much into that, it just means I'm irregular not...anything else.

I think it's making me a little nutty too. But what do I expect? My body hasn't done this on its own in 14 years, it's a little premature to think that after 1 month it's gonna be regular. But still, I worry and I get frustrated. It'd be really nice to know when other certain things do happen so that one certain thing can happen. Know what I mean? ;)

In other news...the job is, well still going. I guess I'm actually doing a little better at it than I had previously thought. That's good. Still doesn't make me actually enjoy being there every day...so early...every day. But hey, I'm making money, and that makes DH happy. And that's why I do it.

Once a night owl, always a night owl

Since getting this job where I have to be there at 7am, my sleep schedule has changed a bit. I force myself to go to bed between 9:30 and 10 so I can get in 7-8 hours of sleep. But somedays that just doesn't work. Yeah I'm tired and all, but here it is, Tuesday night at 10:15pm and I'm back to my old habits, playing on this computer, not wanting to go to bed yet.

I think it's just how my internal clock was set up. Since I was a little kid I can remember sleeping in late (we're talking noon here people) on weekends, during summer when school was out. And then finding a job where I didn't have to be there till 11? That was the jackpot for me. So here I am after 10 years of working that schedule, and now have to do a 180 and be up at literally the crack of dawn. I've been there for 2 months and I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it. I mean, I do my best sleeping and dreaming during the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes I think graveyard would be the best shift for me. That way, I sleep when DH is at work, I get up when he gets home, we have the whole afternoon and early evening together, then I go to work when he goes to bed. Genius. Then the whole snoring issue wouldn't necessarily be as big of an issue as it is. Now....where is this job??

Things I Love...

This was inspired by my cousin....

~ I love macaroni and cheese

~ Chatting on message boards

~ Trying on new shoes :)

~ Singing karaoke with my bestest buddies

~ Singing karaoke with my awesome uncle :)

~ Watching TV shows that make me laugh or cry

~ Jammin out to CDs while I clean house

~ Rubbing on things that are really super-soft, like my dog's ears

~ Shoulder rubs

~ Taking pictures of pretty things

~ Playing with my nephew

~ Planning my future with my husband

The birds and the bees

I have been off the pill now for two whole weeks. First time in 14 years. Yes, that's right, in my adult life I have not known what it's like to be off the pill. Without going into too much detail, let's just say I feel different. Good different. Like a woman closing in on 30 years old should feel. It's been eye opening to say the least. My husband's a little intrigued too.

I had to explain to him that there are really only a few days a month a woman can get pregnant. He didn't know that. I'm guessing that very early on someone told him that it only takes one time and it could happen anytime, like most pre-pubescent boys are told.

I think it's kinda funny how blissfully ignorant he is about the whole situation, because I am thinking about it in a very logical, calculated mindset. I'm very interested to see how long my cycles are on their own, and to find out when I ovulate, assuming that I do on my own. All in all, I just hope that everything works itself out like it's supposed to. In reality, I know that being on birth control pills for the last 14 years of my life (half my life people!) may hinder my attempt at conceiving someday. I already started taking pre-natals, no harm in that even if I don't get pregnant soon. I saw my ob/gyn and chatted with him about 'pre-conceptional planning' as the brochure calls it. He gave me the figurative 'slap in the face' I think I've been needing the past few years to get into shape. He said it's a good idea to get down to a proportional weight before getting pregnant. Thank God someone finally said something. Kinda made me feel like my doctors didn't care if I was getting fat. But someone does.

Other news...my job, well it's a job. Makes some money. That's about all I can say about that. Ho hum.

Well, here's hoping for sticky baby dust in the future. ;)

Thinkin about Mothers

As I reflect on this past Mother's Day, I realize just how lucky I am. I spent the day with my mom, her 2 sisters (who have been like mothers to me), my uncle, my dad and my grandpa. Oh, and we put flowers on grandma's grave. She was everybody's mother. The mother of all mothers, I guess you could say. But seriously, how many people get to say they spend all holidays, even the smaller ones (but just as important), with their extended families? I have grown up quite close to my mom's 8 siblings and their families, for the most part. I feel eternally blessed to have been my cousins' first babysitter, to have an aunt and an uncle so close to me in age (13 years and 10 years, respectively). I don't know where I'd be in life without any of these people. Unfortunately, for the past 9 years I've known what it's like to live without my grandma. Some days it feels like she was just here. It makes my heart hurt knowing she isn't here to see my nephew grow up, or to see me get married. She would have loved my DH. He would have loved her as well. Everyone did.

Anyway, I guess I'm a little emotional today. In 2 days I will take my last birth control pill. My little biological clock has been ticking quite loudly and it's time to quiet it. It makes me think maybe next Mother's day I could be a mom too. I know it might take awhile, I'm not disillusioned. But God may have a plan and plant a seed right off the bat. Who knows?

Those are my ramblings for today. Geez, if I'm this emotional now, can you imagine what I'll be like as a pregnant lady? Watch out!

What I learned at the batting cage

For the past 3 days after work I've been hitting the batting cage. I take my little aluminum bat (yes it's a youth size, shut up), my batting gloves (again, youth size, I got small hands), and a couple of bucks and I got cheap entertainment. For a dollar I can hit 20 balls, totally worth it in my mind. I get to hit some balls, get out a little frustration and aggression in the process. And when I get home I'm a ray of sunshine. LOL Okay, well I'm a little more relaxed anyway.

I was talking to DH today about how much fun I have at the batting cage and realized a few things...
1) I miss playing softball. I started playing t-ball when I was 5 years old, then moved on to rotational softball, then slow pitch, and a few years after I played on a coed church league. LOADS of fun. Wish I could find a league now.

B) I tried batting lefty (I'm right-handed) and I have absolutely no hand-eye coordination when it comes to that side! Kinda funny actually.

3) I tend to hit to left field a lot. Must be swinging a little early.

D) Sadly, I can't wear my wedding ring while I hit. :( The vibrations from the bat when it connects with the ball just bounce off my ring so much it hurts. Bummer.

E) Softball makes me think of summers as a kid and that makes me happy. Looking back, I had a great childhood. My parents didn't have a lot of money but my sister and I got to participate in team sports, had season passports to Worlds of Fun for many years, spent lots and lots of time just BEING KIDS. And I truly appreciate everything they've done for us. :)

On a side note, my parents celebrate their anniversary tomorrow. They have been married for 32 years! Such an accomplishment in this day and age where the divorce rate is something like 50% or better. So proud to be part of a healthy family unit!

Music association

A post from a message board inspired this post. For me, there are literally hundreds of songs or music in general that take me back to certain times in my life, or special moments, or just remind me of good movies.

I have many many many attachments to music and songs, but here are just a few....

Whenever I hear "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw I am reminded of an old boyfriend who totally broke my heart. And it makes me mad that this song is ruined for me, because I think of my husband as My Best Friend. :(

Whenever I hear "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper I am reminded of the little house in Crestview and it takes me back to my very early childhood.

Whenever I hear "Lost in This Moment" by Big & Rich I am reminded of my first dance with my husband at our wedding. :)

Whenever I hear ANY song from one of my favorite movie's soundtracks I immediately know which movie it was and wanna go put it on my dvd player and watch it right then.

Whenever I hear "World's Greatest" by R Kelly I am reminded of my dear friend Troy who sings this song so beautifully I request it every time we go out to sing karaoke. :)

Whenever I hear Dvorak's New World Symphony or Bach's Brandenburg Concertos or Handel's Messiah I am reminded of Symphonic Orchestra in high school. Many good times were had there (in orchestra) and I made many good friendships, some that have lasted the test of the last decade.

And the really sad one is this....

Whenever I hear "Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan I am reminded of the most horrible week of my life when my paternal grandfather died of a heart attack and two days later my maternal grandmother died of cancer. I spent literally hours and hours and hours listening to this song over and over again and just sobbing and sobbing. It was like therapy for me when no one else in the world seemed to know how I was feeling at that time.

And so maybe now you can see why music is so important to me, to my life.

Things that get on my nerves

~~My husband's snoring

~~That damn Kia commercial where they forget which side of the car the gas tank is on...grrrr....

~~Professional athletes who don't think they make enough money....why can't they play for the love of the game???

~~City officials who think they deserve a raise while others deserve to be laid off....hm....assholes....

~~People who can't drive

~~People asking if I'm excited about my new job...shut up already....

~~People asking when I'll have a baby....when I'm damn good and ready, that's when so back off!!!

~~My own insecurities

*sigh* Just had to get a few things off my chest. Hope someone reads this.

I got a job

So yeah, I got a new job doing data entry for a big health insurance company. I start the 21st and I'm very anxious about the whole thing. It's something I've never done before, but they do provide training and I think I'll do fine. I guess another thing that has me curious is how fast they offered me a job from looking at my resume and talking in the interview. No request for references, no formal paper application, but I did have to take a pee test and get finger-printed. Hm. Okay then. Anyway, I'll have nearly the same hours as DH, lesser pay than my last job, but a much better drive, missing rush hour traffic. So the pros are outweighing the cons so far. Guess we'll see what happens when I start.

In other news, I will be going off the pill at the end of May. Not exactly trying to conceive, but not trying to avoid it either. DH said to me "guess it's up to God now", which really surprised me cause it means he and I are on the same page. :) This is very exciting for me, because I know he will be an awesome dad. Can't wait to see what happens!!

Gone fishin

Anyone who knows my DH knows he is a very avid fisherman. So when the time finally came that he got to go fishing for the first time this year (all his ponds had been frozen til recently) he was more than excited. You could see in his eyes that he was just itching to go up to his dad's, do some fishing and show off and shoot his new gun. We get up there and he shows his dad the gun, they both fire it off a few times (out in the country, nobody around). Then me, DH, his dad and stepmom all load up on the 4-wheelers and go across the highway to this pond that only his dad (and whoever's with him) has access to. It was kinda gray and windy that day, but not terribly cold. Good cold water fishing. Well his stepmom starts off by catching a couple of crappie, then I catch a bluegill and a crappie. His dad caught a small bass and a couple of crappie. All this time DH has not caught a single fish yet. I am just shaking my head in disbelief because DH is really a very good fisherman, and I am skunking him! So his dad and stepmom decide it's getting a little chilly for them and head back to their house, while DH and I stay a little longer. I caught 3 more crappie and a bass, while DH only caught 4 small crappie the whole time. Couldn't believe it. At least he was a good sport about it. :)

We had such a great day. Both of us had some major cabin fever and needed to get out of the city in a bad way. Going fishing is like therapy for us, it's so quiet up there, we don't have to deal with stupid people, and we really get to have quality time with each other. It was so nice to get away, even just for the day. :)

Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays

First off, I received all my wedding albums and they turned out great! The parent albums were a little smaller than I expected, but the quality in all of them is really wonderful. I am very pleased. :)

Next, March is full of birthdays of people I know, mostly relatives. So here's the family list....March 7th-my cousin Cindy, March 9th-my grandpa, March 10th-my dad, March 12th-my cousin Autumn, March 13th-my cousin August, March 15th-ex roommate Stacey, March 31st-my good friend Jenifer, March 31st-my dog Charlie. :) March 6th we celebrated 5 months of being married, so that's always good too. Sadly, March 9th, the 11th and 23rd are anniversaries or deaths in the family that have affected me greatly. Those days will stand out in my memory for as long as I live.

So tomorrow (the 9th) we are celebrating my dad's birthday by going bowling and then grilling steaks. My DH is a butcher so he has been stocking up on angus beef steaks and he will be the one doing the grilling as well. The bowling part is all about my dad--he has something like a 220 average! He's been in some sort of bowling league since before I can remember, he really enjoys it.

In other news, I am still looking for a different job. It's hard for employers to see the potential in someone whose resume has ten years worth of childcare on it and very little office-type experience. It's very slow going, but I really want to do it, as I'm very burnt out with childcare. *sigh*

Also, just thought I'd throw this out there in case anyone really is reading....in May I will officially be going off the pill after 14 years of taking it. Just to see what happens. ;)

Wedding albums galore!

I'm very excited, I started putting together my wedding albums last night. I could not pull myself away from this computer...I was up till 3am working on them. But, I never thought it would be so fun to put these together myself. I'm doing them in Shutterfly and it's so user-friendly that my dog could do it. I've already made one for us, and for my MIL, now onto my parents. So far each one has been a little different from the previous one, which is how I wanted it. And this is going to turn out to be waaayyyyy cheaper than having the photographer make one for us. I just can't wait to see how they turn out!

*sigh*

The feelings conveyed in my last blog still linger within me, but I've decided to make a conscious effort not to talk to anyone about them because they might take them the wrong way. For instance, one of the random thoughts that has passed through my head has been 'ya know, I could just swallow a whole bottle of my sleeping pills and not wake up and I'd be okay with that'. Believe me, I know how it sounds and to tell someone out loud might make it seem like I'm absolutely suicidal. I'm really not, though, because I'm working on reminding myself why I have reasons to live. I'm doing therapy within myself, basically.

I'm trying really hard to keep the peace, and so far it's working. Somehow I still feel like I need to be heard. Thank God for the blog then cause I don't know who to talk to. I don't think anyone would sit across from me and honestly say 'I know how you feel and I'll be here to listen'. Seems like my own husband can't even do the latter part of that sentence. All I want is for him to listen to me, support me, hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Isn't that what husbands are supposed to do?

Please God, just touch his heart and remind him he's my best friend and I need him more than ever right now.

Something's not right

For the time being, I've decided to be a temp nanny/caregiver/sitter through an agency where they give me different places to go, day to day. Kinda like being a floater in a daycare. I think for right now it is the way to go. That way I can work when I want, I get paid the same day I work, and I have time to finally get going on that schoolwork I've put off for too long. But even though I've come to this conclusion, there's still something that's not right. My husband and I have been fighting constantly, last night being a pretty big blow out. The really sad part is I don't know how to fix what's wrong with us. I'm not even sure I know what's wrong with us. And because of all this stress with the job and within our marriage I have become deeply depressed. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy? And most of all, why can't I convey any of this to my husband without fighting with him about it??

The sad reality, to me, is I miss my job. Not certain people, not the hours, but inevitably I miss it. But I cannot go back, not unless things change. I think I really need to talk to someone about this.

Back to the drawing board :(

Recently, I had the high of finding a great new job, where I would be a nanny to one child (talk about a big change for me!). And now I am at the low of not having that job anymore. Just didn't work out. I feel, very leary of what's to come next for me. It was a huge deal when I quit my job of 5 years, now it's an even bigger deal to not have the job I've had for the last 2 weeks. What am I doing wrong?

Also, lately I've felt a little disconnected from some of my friends. You tend to make a few friends when you work side by side with them for several years, so when you remove yourself from that work, well, you get lonely. Especially someone like me, for whom it's somewhat difficult to make new friends. I can come off as strangely shy or even bitchy, but that's just how I am when I meet new people. I warm up, and if I click with them then they get to know the real me. Which I hope people consider to be funny and smart and maybe a little goofy or nerdy at times. Really, I just want to keep in touch with the good friends I made through my other job. *sigh*

Clean room feels good

Today I tackled the enormous task of cleaning my computer room. It's not a very big room, but things had been piling up big time this last year with planning a wedding and all. So I got up, got dressed, and started digging in. Whoa.

I had things from the wedding all in a pile by the closet door, to where you couldn't even get in the closet. Wrapping paper and gift bags and some with gifts still in them. I threw out a bunch of stuff I had been keeping for sentimental reasons, which didn't seem so important anymore. I put probably 10 years worth of pictures I haven't put in albums, well I put them in a box anyway. Now I know where to find them all when I'm ready to tackle that project. But, I do have lots of frames to fill and I organized all of those as well. My handsome nephew now adorns several small frames on my desk so I can see him whenever I want. :) In the end I had one huge black trash bag and a box filled with stuff to throw out. Who knew this little room could hold that much junk?! It's just such a good feeling when things are clean. And it's only Saturday. :)

A new job, a new start

I did something this year that is a very big step for me. I got a new job! Anyone that knows me knows that a big change like this to me is extremely daunting. I've constantly held a job (all except for that two months after high school) since I was 16 years old. Okay, in MY head that is a long time to be the stable one. But, that's me, that's who I am. I don't generally make huge life-altering decisions like quitting my job, or buying a vehicle or a house, or get married without putting some very long and detailed thought into it. Ironically, I did two of those very things in the last 3 months. LOL I changed my last name, which I didn't think would be a big deal but it's been a bittersweet experience after all. I quit my job. What was I thinking?! Oh yeah....I was tired of all the drama, and feeling completely unappreciated in the eyes of those I worked for. That's all.

But I digress...the new job. It's in the same field, childcare. But this time I will be focusing all my love and care for ONE family. Oh how I look forward to this experience! I was hired from my first interview with a family, how lucky is that! No, you're right, it's not luck. It's 10 years of hard work and loving many many children and knowing what the hell I'm doing in the process. Oh, yes, I do LOVE my children. Just for anyone who didn't think so.

DH was a little freaked out when I didn't have a job the day I quit my old one. Okay, a LOT freaked out, to the point where he kept asking if I could just stay at the old job till I found a new one. Um, NO. It's the principle of it all. I can't just quit and then go back and say oh well can I stay for a little while longer? It's not even that, I did not enjoy getting up in the morning to go to a place I didn't want to be for the next 8 hours. I dreaded going to work. Not because of the kids, no that's the only part I'll miss, them and their families that I got so close to. It was because it was time to leave. I won't air out my dirty laundry here, because I do want to go back and visit from time to time. Basically, it's personal. :)

So now it's a new year and I get a clean slate, job-wise. And relationship-wise too. I'm a married woman with a new job. What's left? Oh, right, a house and kids....we'll get to that some other time, but for now this'll do.