*sigh*

The feelings conveyed in my last blog still linger within me, but I've decided to make a conscious effort not to talk to anyone about them because they might take them the wrong way. For instance, one of the random thoughts that has passed through my head has been 'ya know, I could just swallow a whole bottle of my sleeping pills and not wake up and I'd be okay with that'. Believe me, I know how it sounds and to tell someone out loud might make it seem like I'm absolutely suicidal. I'm really not, though, because I'm working on reminding myself why I have reasons to live. I'm doing therapy within myself, basically.

I'm trying really hard to keep the peace, and so far it's working. Somehow I still feel like I need to be heard. Thank God for the blog then cause I don't know who to talk to. I don't think anyone would sit across from me and honestly say 'I know how you feel and I'll be here to listen'. Seems like my own husband can't even do the latter part of that sentence. All I want is for him to listen to me, support me, hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Isn't that what husbands are supposed to do?

Please God, just touch his heart and remind him he's my best friend and I need him more than ever right now.