I had an interview last week with a preschool, and luckily they are building a brand new one 10 minutes away from me. It was technically a first interview, they do 2 interviews in their 'process'. I should get a call in the next few days about the 2nd interview. Their new building opens in March, so I'm hoping that if I do get hired then I would be working there, as opposed to where I had the interview (35 minutes away). Anyway, the place seems real nice, organized, friendly. We'll see how that turns out.
Then tonight I got an email for a phone interview from another company. I emailed her my resume and said yes I will be available Monday at 9am! Whew. And this is actually a company whose overflow of kids for their daycare used to go to the daycare I previously worked at for 5 years. Make sense? Anyway, point being I am familiar with them. So, things are looking up.
My prayers are the same time and time again...if I can just get a job, financially we'll be fine. If I can just get pregnant, I'll have everything I ever wanted out of life....to be a mother. Yes, I do believe in God. And I do believe he hears my prayers.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
I'm lost
Lately, the world seems to be crashing down in bits and pieces all around me. I still don't have a job. We owe the IRS money instead of getting a refund. We're still not pregnant. And slowly I just seem to be going into a downward spiral emotionally. :(
It's not that I don't want to be positive that things will work out, because I think deep down I know they will eventually. I just seem to be living too much in the moment, which stinks, so it makes me unmotivated to do anything at all. I don't feel like cleaning, or doing laundry, or taking the dog for a walk. I don't feel like talking, because it would just sound like a big complaint. Yeah I know how it sounds. I already heard that from my DH. He doesn't understand, therefore he thinks it's something I can just snap out of. So I don't talk to him about it. I just pretend I'm fine and he thinks I am and we're both happy. Well, okay, not me.
Even now, I can't even think of words to describe how I feel. It's like I'm of no worth to anyone, not even myself, so why bother. I really hope a decent job comes along real soon so I can feel like I make a difference again. To the kids, to their parents, to my husband, to myself. I just wanna feel like me again.
It's not that I don't want to be positive that things will work out, because I think deep down I know they will eventually. I just seem to be living too much in the moment, which stinks, so it makes me unmotivated to do anything at all. I don't feel like cleaning, or doing laundry, or taking the dog for a walk. I don't feel like talking, because it would just sound like a big complaint. Yeah I know how it sounds. I already heard that from my DH. He doesn't understand, therefore he thinks it's something I can just snap out of. So I don't talk to him about it. I just pretend I'm fine and he thinks I am and we're both happy. Well, okay, not me.
Even now, I can't even think of words to describe how I feel. It's like I'm of no worth to anyone, not even myself, so why bother. I really hope a decent job comes along real soon so I can feel like I make a difference again. To the kids, to their parents, to my husband, to myself. I just wanna feel like me again.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
25 Random Things
I do not have Facebook, but have noticed this one going around blogs too. So I thought I'd steal it. Cause I'm bored and need something to pass the time. :)
1. I love the color black.
2. I despise pink.
3. I know people say this a lot, but my husband truly is my best friend. I can't imagine going through life without him.
4. I don't ever want to own a car again. Only trucks if I can help it.
5. I have really small feet and hands. Depending on the shoe, I can wear anything from a 4 to a 5 and 1/2. And those stretchy, one-size-fits-all gloves are a little big for me.
6. I love finding frames I didn't remember I had and even more finding pictures to go in them.
7. When I was young I had a terrible premonition I wouldn't live past 18.
8. I thought I'd be the one to end my life before 18.
9. I want to have a child so badly it physically hurts.
10. I hardly ever wear sandals that show a lot of my feet cause I don't like to look at bare feet, even my own.
11. I am miserable without a job. Partially because we do need more income than what DH brings home, but partially cause I don't know what to do with myself all day at home.
12. I don't wear makeup on a daily basis.
13. After a long day of cleaning house I feel a great sense of relief and accomplishment. I like things to be clean.
14. Some days I wish my DH would shave his goatee just so I could see what he would look like completely clean shaven.
15. Pajama pants are my absolute favorite thing to wear.
16. The only jewelry I wear on a daily basis is my wedding ring.
17. When I was younger, I imagined myself having 6 or 7 kids, but now I think I'd be perfectly content with just one.
18. I love instrumental music--classical, jazz, piano, love it. It's very soothing and relaxing to me.
19. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my grandma that passed away 10 years ago. Not a single day.
20. Lately (probably since my wedding) I've been fascinated with photography and would looooove to have a really nice camera to take pictures with.
21. I am a night owl to the core. Have been since I was a child, always will be.
22. Someday I would really like to have a breast reduction.
23. Though it may sound a bit silly, blogging acts as a form of therapy for me. I think it's the fact that I'm talking (or writing) to no one in particular that appeals to me. Like writing in a diary did when I was a kid.
24. Actual therapy did absolutely nothing for me. Not helpful whatsoever.
25. I consider myself blessed to have the few very good friends I have, because I think my standards are a little high. But I'm not sure I really care that they are. At least then I know who my friends really are.
1. I love the color black.
2. I despise pink.
3. I know people say this a lot, but my husband truly is my best friend. I can't imagine going through life without him.
4. I don't ever want to own a car again. Only trucks if I can help it.
5. I have really small feet and hands. Depending on the shoe, I can wear anything from a 4 to a 5 and 1/2. And those stretchy, one-size-fits-all gloves are a little big for me.
6. I love finding frames I didn't remember I had and even more finding pictures to go in them.
7. When I was young I had a terrible premonition I wouldn't live past 18.
8. I thought I'd be the one to end my life before 18.
9. I want to have a child so badly it physically hurts.
10. I hardly ever wear sandals that show a lot of my feet cause I don't like to look at bare feet, even my own.
11. I am miserable without a job. Partially because we do need more income than what DH brings home, but partially cause I don't know what to do with myself all day at home.
12. I don't wear makeup on a daily basis.
13. After a long day of cleaning house I feel a great sense of relief and accomplishment. I like things to be clean.
14. Some days I wish my DH would shave his goatee just so I could see what he would look like completely clean shaven.
15. Pajama pants are my absolute favorite thing to wear.
16. The only jewelry I wear on a daily basis is my wedding ring.
17. When I was younger, I imagined myself having 6 or 7 kids, but now I think I'd be perfectly content with just one.
18. I love instrumental music--classical, jazz, piano, love it. It's very soothing and relaxing to me.
19. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my grandma that passed away 10 years ago. Not a single day.
20. Lately (probably since my wedding) I've been fascinated with photography and would looooove to have a really nice camera to take pictures with.
21. I am a night owl to the core. Have been since I was a child, always will be.
22. Someday I would really like to have a breast reduction.
23. Though it may sound a bit silly, blogging acts as a form of therapy for me. I think it's the fact that I'm talking (or writing) to no one in particular that appeals to me. Like writing in a diary did when I was a kid.
24. Actual therapy did absolutely nothing for me. Not helpful whatsoever.
25. I consider myself blessed to have the few very good friends I have, because I think my standards are a little high. But I'm not sure I really care that they are. At least then I know who my friends really are.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Here We Go Again...
De ja vu. I am in the same predicament I was in this exact time last year. I am jobless.
Some days I sit and wonder why I ever left the comfort of a job I had held for 5 years. But then it all comes back to me after wondering too long. So I went through the job search and found a stable Monday thru Friday job, and soon found that I hated it. But, being the type that I am, I did well at it. I figured if I was gonna be there, no matter for how long, that I was gonna do a good job. And I did. And I messed it up. Just like that.
My husband says it was a blessing in disguise, because I did hate the job after all. I also didn't want to leave until I was good and ready, meaning having another job already lined up. Didn't happen.
So I tweaked my resume on Career Builder, I even went and talked to my old cohorts at my previous job. They have nothing available at the moment. :( This makes me really sad, because after working 9 months (to the day) at a job I hated, I realized that the previous job was the one I liked. So now I wait. I have a job interview Tuesday for the same job I just lost, at a different company. It's a lot further to drive, although it would be more money. But it would still be a job I didn't like, at all.
My emotions are all over the map. I don't know whether to be sad that I'm jobless, or happy that I'm out of a job I didn't like. I know that I am sad that there is no room at the inn, so to speak. I miss my co-workers (a few of them, I did make some friends there), I miss the kids and their parents (some of them). I miss the hours, I dreaded getting up at 6am to go to a crappy job. I like to sleep. :)
I just want to get my life back on track. I have so many plans for this year and they can't go anywhere until I get a job so I'm kinda stuck. They all involve spending money....
~Have a baby
~Buy a new truck once mine is paid off in July
~Buy a house when the lease is up in October
~Finish school
Now I'm not sure if any of this will happen at all. :(
Some days I sit and wonder why I ever left the comfort of a job I had held for 5 years. But then it all comes back to me after wondering too long. So I went through the job search and found a stable Monday thru Friday job, and soon found that I hated it. But, being the type that I am, I did well at it. I figured if I was gonna be there, no matter for how long, that I was gonna do a good job. And I did. And I messed it up. Just like that.
My husband says it was a blessing in disguise, because I did hate the job after all. I also didn't want to leave until I was good and ready, meaning having another job already lined up. Didn't happen.
So I tweaked my resume on Career Builder, I even went and talked to my old cohorts at my previous job. They have nothing available at the moment. :( This makes me really sad, because after working 9 months (to the day) at a job I hated, I realized that the previous job was the one I liked. So now I wait. I have a job interview Tuesday for the same job I just lost, at a different company. It's a lot further to drive, although it would be more money. But it would still be a job I didn't like, at all.
My emotions are all over the map. I don't know whether to be sad that I'm jobless, or happy that I'm out of a job I didn't like. I know that I am sad that there is no room at the inn, so to speak. I miss my co-workers (a few of them, I did make some friends there), I miss the kids and their parents (some of them). I miss the hours, I dreaded getting up at 6am to go to a crappy job. I like to sleep. :)
I just want to get my life back on track. I have so many plans for this year and they can't go anywhere until I get a job so I'm kinda stuck. They all involve spending money....
~Have a baby
~Buy a new truck once mine is paid off in July
~Buy a house when the lease is up in October
~Finish school
Now I'm not sure if any of this will happen at all. :(
Monday, January 19, 2009
I want a House
Recently there's been a lot of news about a first-time home buyers tax credit. It's worth up to $7500, but is only available from April of 2008 til July of 2009. I sooooo want to take the government up on this offer! Our lease isn't up til September, but I figure if I stashed enough into savings then we could pay for the last 2 months of rent while still buying a house. Right? I hate renting, I can't really decorate like I want to, can't do repairs like I want to, really don't want to turn the 'man cave' into a nursery someday (that does not indicate what you are thinking, it's just a 'what if'). I want my own house.
I'm tired of living under the thumb of a landlord. I wanna paint walls, and put up picture frames, and put up curtains and just decorate how I want it! I want a new fridge, a side-by-side, with deep, adjustable shelves, an ice and water dispenser on the outside and a magnetic surface where we can hang our future kid's finger paintings someday. That would be nice. And a dishwasher that isn't so loud you have to have to TV blaring just to hear over it. And a mud room where we could have a nice big closet for jackets and coats, and maybe a shoe rack for DH's size 14's and my size 5's. A 2 car garage would be nice, as well as a big basement, with plenty of room for storage and space for a man cave. We'd have to have at least 3 bedrooms, so I could still have my puter room too. :) And a big laundry room, close to the bedrooms. Probably 2 or so bathrooms, one being in a master suite, yeah that's the ticket. A fenced in yard is a must, because of Charlie. He needs room to run and play, he loves being outside. And then beyond that a couple of acres would be nice, so we could have room to run and play and take the kiddies for a ride on daddy's 3-wheeler (when they're big enough, of course).
Sigh....that's my whole life's dream spelled out. A family, a dog (or 2), babies, a little land to spread out on. Yep, that about does it. Now if only I can convince DH that we need to hop on this tax credit bandwagon.... :)
I'm tired of living under the thumb of a landlord. I wanna paint walls, and put up picture frames, and put up curtains and just decorate how I want it! I want a new fridge, a side-by-side, with deep, adjustable shelves, an ice and water dispenser on the outside and a magnetic surface where we can hang our future kid's finger paintings someday. That would be nice. And a dishwasher that isn't so loud you have to have to TV blaring just to hear over it. And a mud room where we could have a nice big closet for jackets and coats, and maybe a shoe rack for DH's size 14's and my size 5's. A 2 car garage would be nice, as well as a big basement, with plenty of room for storage and space for a man cave. We'd have to have at least 3 bedrooms, so I could still have my puter room too. :) And a big laundry room, close to the bedrooms. Probably 2 or so bathrooms, one being in a master suite, yeah that's the ticket. A fenced in yard is a must, because of Charlie. He needs room to run and play, he loves being outside. And then beyond that a couple of acres would be nice, so we could have room to run and play and take the kiddies for a ride on daddy's 3-wheeler (when they're big enough, of course).
Sigh....that's my whole life's dream spelled out. A family, a dog (or 2), babies, a little land to spread out on. Yep, that about does it. Now if only I can convince DH that we need to hop on this tax credit bandwagon.... :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Another Year Down the Tubes
2008 was a year of many changes for me. I started a new job, was fired from that job, then wandered aimlessly for the next 3 months doing odd jobs to keep afloat. Then in April I got hired to do a job I had never done, which was completely out of character for me. Maybe the worst and best thing I could have done. Sounds strange right? Well, worst because it is the most boring, monotonous, hum-drum job I ever could have found and it continually sucks out my brain cells each and every day. Best, because it truly made me realize what I was meant to do...be with children. And it has really caused my baby rabies to become full-blown. So now I'm on the search for yet another childcare job (quite possibly with a company with which I've worked before) where I can be myself again, and quit stressing out.
It was also the first year of marriage for me and the hubs and it was a roller coaster to say the least. The job situation caused a LOT of stress between us, so when that was resolved things got better. Thus, in May I stopped taking my birth control pill. :) We are steadily trying to make our little family just a bit bigger. It has been 8 months now but we're not in the worry zone just yet. I was on the pill for 14, yes 14 years. My entire adult life. So with that in mind, we are just taking things slowly, not expecting to be pregnant right out of the shoot, but still hoping.
Overall it was a life-changing year for me. I realized my true calling, survived my first year of marriage, and hopefully by year 2 or 3 will add a little dividend. :)
It was also the first year of marriage for me and the hubs and it was a roller coaster to say the least. The job situation caused a LOT of stress between us, so when that was resolved things got better. Thus, in May I stopped taking my birth control pill. :) We are steadily trying to make our little family just a bit bigger. It has been 8 months now but we're not in the worry zone just yet. I was on the pill for 14, yes 14 years. My entire adult life. So with that in mind, we are just taking things slowly, not expecting to be pregnant right out of the shoot, but still hoping.
Overall it was a life-changing year for me. I realized my true calling, survived my first year of marriage, and hopefully by year 2 or 3 will add a little dividend. :)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Six Christmases
Yes, SIX. They're over now, and we can relax. Just a quick recap of Christmas...
It started on Thanksgiving. DH's dad and stepmom were leaving for Arizona soon after to spend the winter in their RV (lucky!) so they had a gathering we have come to refer to as ThanksChristmas. All of the stepmom's kids (minus one) made it up, with their families, DH's Grandma and Grandpa, and us. We had a nice big meal, lots of presents, lots of chatting it up with Grandma (good times!). Then we hopped on his dad's Kubota drove around a bit, then stopped to set up a target so I could shoot my gun. Yep, MY gun. My mom has this .22 rifle that has been sitting in her closet forever, so when we helped her clean out the closet there it was, a little dusty, but still in good condition. She offered to let me 'hold on to it' since we have a gun cabinet. But really, now it's MY gun. :) Anyway, turns out I'm a pretty good shot. So that was Christmas #1.
Christmas #2 was with DH's mom, brother and his wife and us. And the dogs. Brother's little chihuahua tried to hump my dog all night...and they're both male dogs. So yeah, Tippy's a gay chihuahua. Anyway, more good food, good booze, good presents (my Mother-in-law is an awesome gift-giver!). Then Brother-in-law and wife came to our house and crashed for the night. My husband and his brother were up til 230 in the morning just talking and laughing! We had a great time.
Christmas #3 was the next day at DH's Grandma's house, with all his aunts, uncles and cousins and their kids even. Once again, LOTS of food, lots of presents (it's fun to watch little kids open gifts), and lots of chit-chatting.
Christmas #4 was Christmas Eve at my mom's for her side of the family. All my aunts, uncles and cousins (and most of their kids). More food, even more presents (my mom has 7 siblings), and lots of attention on my cousin's new baby, born in September. Absolutely gorgeous! Can't wait till it's my baby they're all gushing over. :)
Christmas #5 was Christmas Day. Me and DH opened our presents to each other, and i must say he did well! We were both very pleased with our gifts. Later in the morning we headed back to mom's for brunch, then LOADS of presents! Watching my nephew open his presents this year was so fun for all of us. His expressions are priceless. :) My mom too is a good gift-giver and got me a new printer and a device that lets me plug in my MP3 player to my radio and listen to it in the truck. So cool. That was one looooong day.
Last, but certainly not least, was Christmas #6. For the last 2 years we have celebrated with my dad's side at Grandma's little apartment. Well, in her building anyway. There is a big common dining area and lounge area where we had our dinner, then opened presents. Grandma was in high spirits and very talkative! Once my cousin B warmed up we chatted just like old times. And it was really wonderful to see her brother, my cousin M who I had not seen since August of last year, right before he went to Iraq. He was only there til April, but I'm sure he saw more than he cared to. It just wasn't Christmas last year without him. It's good to have him home. :)
So that was our 6 Christmases. This was the 5th Christmas DH and I have shared together and probably one of the best. :) God Bless!
It started on Thanksgiving. DH's dad and stepmom were leaving for Arizona soon after to spend the winter in their RV (lucky!) so they had a gathering we have come to refer to as ThanksChristmas. All of the stepmom's kids (minus one) made it up, with their families, DH's Grandma and Grandpa, and us. We had a nice big meal, lots of presents, lots of chatting it up with Grandma (good times!). Then we hopped on his dad's Kubota drove around a bit, then stopped to set up a target so I could shoot my gun. Yep, MY gun. My mom has this .22 rifle that has been sitting in her closet forever, so when we helped her clean out the closet there it was, a little dusty, but still in good condition. She offered to let me 'hold on to it' since we have a gun cabinet. But really, now it's MY gun. :) Anyway, turns out I'm a pretty good shot. So that was Christmas #1.
Christmas #2 was with DH's mom, brother and his wife and us. And the dogs. Brother's little chihuahua tried to hump my dog all night...and they're both male dogs. So yeah, Tippy's a gay chihuahua. Anyway, more good food, good booze, good presents (my Mother-in-law is an awesome gift-giver!). Then Brother-in-law and wife came to our house and crashed for the night. My husband and his brother were up til 230 in the morning just talking and laughing! We had a great time.
Christmas #3 was the next day at DH's Grandma's house, with all his aunts, uncles and cousins and their kids even. Once again, LOTS of food, lots of presents (it's fun to watch little kids open gifts), and lots of chit-chatting.
Christmas #4 was Christmas Eve at my mom's for her side of the family. All my aunts, uncles and cousins (and most of their kids). More food, even more presents (my mom has 7 siblings), and lots of attention on my cousin's new baby, born in September. Absolutely gorgeous! Can't wait till it's my baby they're all gushing over. :)
Christmas #5 was Christmas Day. Me and DH opened our presents to each other, and i must say he did well! We were both very pleased with our gifts. Later in the morning we headed back to mom's for brunch, then LOADS of presents! Watching my nephew open his presents this year was so fun for all of us. His expressions are priceless. :) My mom too is a good gift-giver and got me a new printer and a device that lets me plug in my MP3 player to my radio and listen to it in the truck. So cool. That was one looooong day.
Last, but certainly not least, was Christmas #6. For the last 2 years we have celebrated with my dad's side at Grandma's little apartment. Well, in her building anyway. There is a big common dining area and lounge area where we had our dinner, then opened presents. Grandma was in high spirits and very talkative! Once my cousin B warmed up we chatted just like old times. And it was really wonderful to see her brother, my cousin M who I had not seen since August of last year, right before he went to Iraq. He was only there til April, but I'm sure he saw more than he cared to. It just wasn't Christmas last year without him. It's good to have him home. :)
So that was our 6 Christmases. This was the 5th Christmas DH and I have shared together and probably one of the best. :) God Bless!
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